Tag Archives: Messi

LEAKED!: How Will GERMANY Stop MESSI.

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messi changebhai

Weather forecast* says it is going to rain heavily this coming Sunday post midnight (chalo Monday le lo), which is when the much anticipated FIFA World Cup 2014 Final is going to be played between the much deserving Germany and every (chalo most le lo) Indian’s favourite Argentina.

Which means it’s going to rain ‘potholes’ whole night on Indian roads when it will be raining ‘goals’ back in Brazil . Arrgggghhhh. It is going to be very MESSI on Monday morning when all of us are supposed to go to work. Darn!

This is how Germany plans to stop Messi apparently.
This is how Germany plans to stop Messi apparently.

Taking a cue from The Guardian and ESPN’s football journalist Michael Cox’s top secret hush hush strategy (picture above) of ‘How Will Germany Stop Messi?’, I make my strategy on how will I reach my office on Monday morning. Apni apni strategy bana lo doston. Kaam aayegi.

Using historical data of the last 10 years to mark the spots where the possibility of ‘pothole formation’ and ‘garbage collection’ will be maximum post the showers, I am ready with my PLAN to reach office. Here it is:

This is how I plan to reach my office after the match.
This is how I plan to reach my office after the match.

Any guesses who is going to lose ‘IN’ the Germany vs. Argentina FIFA world cup 2014 final. Ahem..if i may say..Ger..mm..mannyyy?

Am not guessing…rehne do…Baad mein joote padenge! @Blog Admin: Am I allowed to edit this blog after the match 😉

Any guesses who is going to lose ‘DURING’ the Germany vs. Argentina FIFA world cup 2014 final. Ju and Mi, eh?

 * This article assumes the weather forecast to hold true. *snigger*  :-) ROFL-LOL-LMFAO-all-in-one #ThisIsIndia

Moral of the ‘article’: Report Potholes & Garbage issues on www.ChangeBhai.in and avoid making the plan mentioned above for the rest of your life. Enjoy the match! :-)

Why India is Not Playing in the FIFA World Cup 2014?

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Saurabh: Spain versus Netherlands ka match hai aaj bhai…kiske ghar dekh rahe hain? Kya plan hai?

Diljeet: Daru main laata hoon. Jagah tum batao?

Punit: Rohit ke ghar chalte hain..bada TV hai uska..Aur uski biwi bhi nahi hai..

Rohit: Haha..Deal hai bhai log..

Diljeet: Apni apni T-shirt pehen ke aana..mazaa aayega..

Am sure this conversation sounds familiar to most of you. If not, then you have been probably hiding in an igloo near the South pole or you just don’t give a rat’s ass like me ..:)..Jest keeding…# ILubPhutball #CristianoRonaldoIsHawwt

The World cup fever has struck almost everybody in our cricket crazy nation. With due respect to the genuine fans, let me throw in my assumed statistics again. Around 90% of these naye naye football fans who throw in historical facts and names of players have no Effing clue about any of the things they are talking about. Tips to locate these fans in a crowd.

a. They will be using their phones slyly throughout the match. Psst…Googling You See..

b. Also, beware of the men (wearing a footballer’s jersey -mostly messi, van persie, ronaldo, neymar and knee length shorts) who are going completely gaga about the world cup. Fakes of the highest order. I have met a good enough sample size in the last 20 days to back my point. #BegaaniShaadiMeinAbdullahDeewana

TRPs of global football games are steadily climbing and ‘viewing’ interest in the sport has never been higher. But, seriously, like me, have you ever wondered why India, though super duper high on the ‘viewing’ interest,  sucks at the game. Not many Indians are playing this game at the ground level.

Quoting some facts from a recent HT article by Rajdeep Sardesai:

1. India has never participated even once in the 84 year old history of the football world cup. (Irrelevant point but apparently, we were almost there in 1950 but had to withdraw because we were not allowed to play barefoot. *eyeballs popping out* That was in Brazil as well, by the way.)

2. We are ranked 154th in the world

(Pakistan is ranked 169th if that helps. I felt kinda nice to hear that. #LoserMentality #IamADumbass)

Saala even Honduras is playing. #HolyCrap #YeHondurasKahanHaiBhai

Courtesy: Rediff News
Courtesy: Rediff News

Coming back to the question, I think it’s because we are so incredibly obsessed with Cricket that we do not have any more space in our head to get into any other sport even from a recreation point of view. For me, all this boils down to the same thing. We are HAPPY doing the same things over and over again. We LIKE to be in our comfort zone. We HATE to change. We just LOVE to talk about Change and DO nothing. #AllFartNoShit

Otherwise what else would explain thousands of visitors browsing the pages of www.ChangeBhai.in each day but just a handful of them actually uploading issues of their neighbourhood? Sad but true. Hey! Are you one of such visitors? If yes, then #ShameShame.

Here’s a chance to redeem yourself. Upload an issue TODAY.